Reflection 16 – Expectations, Over-Expectations, and How It Could Ruin Our Lives?

Imagine a psychological experiment in which two people are asked to do an identical task. One of them is told they will receive a generous gift when completed, while the other one is given a hint that the reward is not that fulfilling. Both complete the task and are given a mediocre gift. As you would imagine, the first person would feel a higher sense of frustration as the reward was contrary to their expectations. In psychological terms, the gap between (over) – expectations and reality leads to this sense of frustration. But imagine they are given the real picture from the beginning, things won’t be that bad. This simple experiment (that I just made up) for me depicts our trajectory in our lives.
To a large extent, we are bombarded with a capitalist materialistic culture that pushes people to their limits. Young students expect to make it at top notch universities, fresh university grads expect amazing jobs with generous salaries, families are expected to buy these lavish houses with great amenities, and the list simply goes on and on. And as probably most of us have experienced first-hand, life doesn‘t work this way (unfortunately). People end up in universities they never aspired for, in jobs they hat, and houses they are not to happy about. This endless dilemma continues since our expectations to a large extent do not fit with the real nature of life. I had to learn this the hard way!
July 2017. My contract with AUC The American University in Cairo had just started, and I am thrilled to be back in Egypt after living several years abroad. My expectations are very high as I am really happy to be back at my second home; AUC. I’m very much looking forward to teaching and interacting with students, preparing couple of research projects, and life looks nice. I envisioned my life for the next couple of years to be of a certain nature. I was WRONG . Just a couple of months into my contract, and I was diagnosed with ALS. My life would take a great turn afterwards. As depressing as it was, it made me rethink my life and my priorities altogether. When was I given a guarantee to the rosy picture I had in mind? Upon more careful reading of the Quran in the years to come, I realized how deceived I was. Allah never promised this fancy life of mine in this world but rather in the hereafter. This life is purely a test (whether we like it or not and whether we see it or not), and Allah in his divine wisdom has decreed this test to be of a certain nature. In general, it’s a tough test! It will come with different tribulations and trials; some are easy and others are difficult, some are pleasant and others are not.
It’s all about the MINDSET.
I believe managing ones expectations by revisiting the essence of life is not a luxury but a MUST. However, this revisiting is not a one-time thing, but rather should be a daily exercise. Otherwise, we get consumed into our lives so much so that we don‘t WANT to think about such serious issues anymore. But it’s better to get serious about it now before our time is up. My advice: don’t over-expect in life, manage your expectations, and understand life the way it was meant to be. The less the gap between expectations and actual life events, the more content one becomes and life becomes easier (to some extent at least ). And this gap with its subsequent unpleasant feeling will be felt by some people in the hereafter and is described by Allah as such a horrible experience that I believe we should aim to avoid at any cost!
وَلَوْ أَنَّ لِلَّذِينَ ظَلَمُوا مَا فِي الْأَرْضِ جَمِيعًا وَمِثْلَهُ مَعَهُ لَافْتَدَوْا بِهِ مِن سُوءِ الْعَذَابِ يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ ۚ وَبَدَا لَهُم مِّنَ اللَّهِ مَا لَمْ يَكُونُوا يَحْتَسِبُونَ (47)
“Even if the wrongdoers were to possess everything in the world twice over, they would certainly offer it to ransom themselves from the horrible punishment on Judgment Day, for they will see from Allah what they had never expected. [Quran 39:47]