Reflection 17 – A Letter To My Creator – Allah

Well, this one is extremely difficult to pull together. Never ever had I thought of writing such a letter, but I think this exercise of reflections has opened up for me new venues for thought. So I decided to give it a shot and see how things go from there.
First, I have to admit that I remained far from you for a decent amount of time of my life. I don‘t know whose fault it was; was it that I never cared to reflect much on my life and went on with business as usual? Was it a culture being disrupted by aggressive capitalist transformations leaving little room for our poor souls? Was it my upbringing? In all cases, I can‘t remove some of the guilt off from my shoulders. I’m guilty one way or another! But things changed radically as I got to know you little by little. My early introduction to you was like rediscovering life altogether. Now things started to make sense for me and slowly did I discover my role and responsibilities in life. It was heartbreaking for me how much I missed by staying far from you. I wish I was introduced early on to yourself with your extreme love, care, and kindness. I wish I came across your words much more earlier! I wish I would have gone out in nature to reflect on your amazing creation. Finally, I wish I would have appreciated your countless blessings bestowed upon me.
When I look back, I can‘t remember how many times you have blessed with so many things and I never bothered to show proper gratitude. How many times did you nourish me with your fresh air, delicious food and drinks and I went on with my daily business as usual. I have to admit I never appreciated those bounties until I was struck by ALS. Now, I know what it means for air to simply go in and out; for my tongue to move the food around my mouth to be able to easily swallow; for my hands to grip on stuff; for my legs to carry me around and so forth and so on. I never realized what I was being showered with every second of my life! I came to know it the hard way but still I am grateful, and I hope to convey this to others.
Second, I have to admit that so many times was I worried about what people would say more than what you would think of me. Throughout my life, I encountered countless situations where I could have intervened with a gentle reminder to others but was worried to be ridiculed or put in an embarrassing situation! But I didn‘t have enough courage to do so. That feeling killed me! Now that I‘m in what I‘m in, I feel more inclined to open up to everyone with my true self not being worried about what people would think of me as long as I do it in a gentle and polite way. I pray that my words and experiences reach as many people as possible and to have a positive impact on them since I found out that doing good to others is the best I can do in my life in preparation for the hereafter.
Sometimes I close my eyes and try to imagine the day we’re all gathered in front of you. I really can’t fathom it! Those billions among billions of your creation all in one place with no room to hide or run away. How would it feel? What kind of deeds can be brought forward to get us through, but then I remember it’s not our deeds but rather your endless love, care, and mercy that will get us through. I’m reminded of a beautiful ayah in Surat Al-Saffat: فَمَا ظَنُّكُم بِرَبِّ ٱلْعَـٰلَمِينَ (What then do you expect from the Lord of all worlds?”). My thoughts are positive about you as I have never seen anything other than pure goodness coming from your side.
As I wrap up my letter, I want to say how soothing I find it to talk to you in an informal manner outside the context of the obligatory prayers. Simply telling you silly stuff about myself and what went on with my day; that is definitely very relieving. May you Allah forgive all my sins and shortcomings, grant me patience and gratitude, and gather me and all whom I love with all the prophets and companions in the highest levels of paradise in your majestic company!
PS: On a side note, I realized as I am writing this reflection that it just happened to be number 17, and both digits are very dear to myself as they strongly remind me of Allah. He is the one unique Creator, who created seven skies and seven earths as he mentions in surat al-talaq in the last ayah :
ٱللَّهُ ٱلَّذِى خَلَقَ سَبْعَ سَمَـٰوَٰتٍۢ وَمِنَ ٱلْأَرْضِ مِثْلَهُنَّ يَتَنَزَّلُ ٱلْأَمْرُ بَيْنَهُنَّ لِتَعْلَمُوٓا۟ أَنَّ ٱللَّهَ عَلَىٰ كُلِّ شَىْءٍۢ قَدِيرٌۭ وَأَنَّ ٱللَّهَ قَدْ أَحَاطَ بِكُلِّ شَىْءٍ عِلْمًۢا [سوره الطلاق: آيه ١٢]
“Allah is the One Who created seven heavens ˹in layers˺, and likewise for the earth. The ˹divine˺ command descends between them so you may know that Allah is Most Capable of everything and that Allah certainly encompasses all things in ˹His˺ knowledge” [Quran 65:12]