Reflection 28 – My Long Awaited Message To My Parents

I have been struggling a lot trying to put this reflection together. I initially began to write it more than a couple of weeks ago but for some reason wasn’t able to finish it. Once again, I am compelled to admit that I‘m not used to express my feelings especially for those close to me in public. Nonetheless, I‘m trying to change as I see a dire need for me to get used to the habit of conveying my emotions to my loved ones if not verbally than at least in writing. Since I started writing my reflections, I feel more at ease with myself as I began to burst open to the outside world (totally not the typical me!). Another difficulty in writing such a reflection has to do with the pain both had to endure seeing their son going through these different phases while not being able to do much! Therefore, I ask Allah to give me clarity in speech to convey my feelings in the best possible way. And I will begin with the one I cuddled in her belly for nine months
Throughout my life, you have been my comfort zone. You have always been extra loving and caring and able to accommodate my needs. You have definitely left a big mark on my personality as I see both of us very synonymous in many of our traits. As you grow older in age, I see you growing younger in energy and passion. I’m really amazed by your ability to look out for every detail in the house, and fix it whenever needed despite your tiredness. It kills me to see you crying because of how my health condition has deteriorated and feeling incapable of helping. However, I thank Allah for giving you strength and resilience throughout my ALS journey. Now that I‘m living with you, you have to deal with the nasty side of me visible in my mood swings and unwillingness in many times to talk to you or other people. I hope you forgive me but ALS sometimes overtakes me and I am left helpless in front of its cruel nature. But I believe you know deep down in myself how much I love you. If I were to summarize you in a word, you are a giver with no limitations!
Men rarely express their feelings to each other as it feels kinda weird. You, dad, have been a role model in so many ways and through leading by example (without talking). I have seen you as a man of principles throughout my life, who doesn‘t budge in front of anyone and irrespective of the circumstances you are going through. You love to sacrifice for the sake of others. You easily go out of your way to help others. I have always seen you as someone, who doesn‘t easily gets tempted by materialistic stuff, and is able to restrain himself. I believe a major lesson learned from you is that one needs to live within their means. If I were to summarize you, you have always been that steady mountain that I can lean on whenever I need to, and who is there for any type of help. The level of perseverance and the grit you have shown me is beyond imagination!
I know that these words don‘t do justice for both of you as there is no way to reciprocate the love, care, and sacrifices you have done. But at least it‘s an attempt to show my love and admiration for both of you in a written format since I lost my verbal ability. To both of you: I LOVE YOU and
please overlook my mistakes that I committed and (unfortunately) continue to do .