Reflection 57 – Crying Out Loud… SILENTLY

Imagine with me this thought experiment!
A deaf person is standing on a railroad. Just 20 meters in front of him is a beautiful lush garden with water flowing across this amazing scenery. The poor guy has no idea that a fast-moving train is approaching him at a speed of approximately 500 km/h. People in the vicinity seeing this terrifying scene are screaming and shouting trying to alert that guy, but unfortunately with no luck! The guy is totally focused on the awesome scenery in front of him and has no idea of what is almost going to happen. As he approaches the garden, the train approaches him even faster. And then, BAAM!
I never realized the blessing of speech until I was deprived of it. I always thought my voice would keep deteriorating and it would sound more awkward. But losing it all together never crossed my mind! Maybe I was naïve, or didn‘t want to anticipate the bad consequences of ALS. As a human being, I was never that type of person who speaks too much. I tend to be someone who keeps a lot inside and doesn‘t share that much. As long as I had the privilege of speaking, it was no big deal. I never really realized the enormous blessing of speaking and communicating with others. I was recently reminded of that blessing during one of Nouman Ali Khan lectures of surat AlRahman. Allah mentions in the fourth ayah after telling us that he is the most caring and loving, and that he is one who taught the Quran and created the human being, is that he taught speech. This is a very remarkable thing to internalize ; speech is part of revelation . It was taught by Allah himself and no one else. We tend to communicate to express ideas, feelings, emotions, and a bunch of other things. We can make plans for the future, come up with creative ideas, and also warn each other of possible dangers and share our fears, concern, and sometimes pain. Oh pain!!! People tend to feel relieved if they share their pain with others even if those around us can‘t relief that pain. Venting our anger out or sharing our pain tends to release some hormones, which make us feel relatively better. Do you still remember that poor deaf guy?!
The main issue with such a situation, or similar ones, is the element of SHOCK! That poor guy was awaiting to indulge in this beautiful garden and had no idea of the train approaching him. In my case, I was quickly hospitalized and rushed to ICU, but I had no idea this would come with the loss of speech. I didn‘t recognize how vital speech is and how frustrating it can be not being able to get your points through to others. Forget about the normal conversations you have with others ; I am talking about being able to communicate with doctors and nurses and explaining what you are going through! Keep in mind that the weakness in my hands has progressed to the extent that I am not even able to act out what I need to get through! But probably my most horrible moments were those associated with pain. The most horrifying experience was the process of showering. Typically, this is a nice and refreshing process. But showering while lying on a bed is a TOTALLY different process not to mention having ALS and not being able to talk. The main issue is that (unfortunately) all the nurses and other helpers involved in this process have no background knowledge about ALS and how they should handle such patients especially that showering involves lots of handling and moving on the sides and so on. Therefore, they do what they are used to do forgetting my case is a very rare and unique one. My most distressing moments were those that had to do with a certain move they did (and usually while not having any sort of eye contact), and that would lead me to enormous pain and
would leave me crying out loud… Just to realize that it was a SILENT cry, and no one even noticed what was going on!