Reflection 8 – How My Two BIG Failures Changed My Course ofLife and Why the West is Different From the Rest?

Sometime in early 1990s. I had recently returned from the States after spending one year with my family in Houston, Texas. My father was an expat at an oil company and we joined him for one truly amazing year. Soon after our return, my dad was very adamant to enroll me in a German school (DEO) known for its discipline and hard- working attitude. However, I needed to pass an exam consisting of three parts: Arabic, math, and IQ. Knowing my capabilities, he is pretty confident that things will be fine. I take my exams, and check out the school with its fancy courts and swimming pool. I’m left mesmerized! Feeling overjoyed and satisfied with my performance on the exams, I anxiously await the results. To my surprise, results are negative; I didn‘t pass the exams. I was devastated and couldn‘t stop crying at that time. My mom would keep comforting me by quoting the aya in surat al-baqara the meaning of which, that it is likely to hate something when in fact it is good for you. I never forgot what she told me but it simply didn‘t sink in. The following year my dad suggests to give it another shot, and I‘m totally against what he is saying because it meant repeating an academic year. After some discussion, I give in to his will and retake the exam. As you have probably expected, I pass it this time but it‘s not over yet. There is a two-week in-house trial period. On my first day, I‘m diagnosed with chicken pox and not allowed to go to school. A new type of devastation! Knowing the fighting spirit of my father, he doesn‘t surrender but rather meets up with German administrators and I’m given a second chance for another two-week trial at the beginning of the following academic year. Low and behold, I make it! This initial event would set my path for everything afterwards from academics to friends to everything in my life. I had such amazing years at school and I exceled academically ranking first compared to my peers in my last year at high school.
Sometime in 2007. I recently completed my MA in economics at AUC and became more and more convinced that I am not a good fit in the corporate world. Feeling more inclined towards academia, I begin to apply for different PhD programs. I get accepted at a couple of US universities, but my choice falls on UC Riverside, California. Having been married for two and half years with a newly born kid and a recipient of a generous scholarship, it felt like walking on the moon. I decide with my wife for me to go first and settle down before she and the kids join. To my surprise, all my expectations about the PhD program were shattered in a month or two at most! The program is extremely technical, mathematical, and totally disassociated from reality. Plus, I‘m butchered by my Chinese and Indian colleagues when it came to mathematics and statistics. I’m barely passing my exams and never in my life had I felt lagging behind as such. My only comfort was a Pakistani colleague, who had been living in the US for a longer time and understood how the system works. Despite his help, I couldn‘t take it anymore and decided to withdraw from the program. You can imagine the resentment and dissatisfaction that radiated from everyone around me. However, I was pretty stubborn and indeed dropped out. Knowing my interests,
My Pakistani friend directs me towards urban planning and public policy programs; a field I never heard of. As I get more engaged into the program, I feel very excited. From one contact to the other, I end up auditing a course at UCI with whom would be my supervisor at a later stage. Feeling overjoyed with what I‘m learning, I apply to several PhD programs at UCI, UCLA, as well as a couple others. With some confidence, I await the results. As you probably have correctly guessed, I‘m not admitted into ANY program. NOTHING! I remain for a couple of more months in the US before returning to Egypt. The world around me is very gloomy; I‘m staying at my parents’ house as I had rented mine before traveling, have no job, have my small family with me, and no idea what to do next.
June 2009. I begin my job search in the corporate world as I need to secure my family financially. I hate what I am doing. Plus, I‘m very discouraged from applying to new PhD programs. Anyhow, I gather myself and continue searching for jobs while at the same time applying for PhD programs. Months pass by and nothing positive comes out until I get my first acceptance letter at UCI followed by two other universities. Now, I can even choose amongst those options, and UCI is by far my first preference. The next four years would the best in my life, where I got to learn a lot, engage with amazing people and excel in my courses and research. I was probably the fastest candidate to complete his degree in four years only (though I‘m not sure whether this was a good or bad thing) before landing my first job at Qatar University in 2014.
Lessons Learned?
Failure (and sometimes epic ones) are a must in the path of success. This is mostly where the West is different from the Rest. Their culture is very encouraging and welcoming when it comes to failure. They cherish each other experiences and are able to provide positive yet constructive feedback at these different milestones. I have to admit though that these two failures were very devastating at their time. However, when I look back now, I know that I wouldn‘t have achieved anything without them. Now, I‘m hoping to look back at ALS and say with confidence that it was a temporary failure that turned into something beneficial for myself as well as for those both near and far!

Sometime in 2007. I recently completed my MA in economics at AUC and became more and more convinced that I am not a good fit in the corporate world. Feeling more inclined towards academia, I begin to apply for different PhD programs. I get accepted at a couple of US universities, but my choice falls on UC Riverside, California. Having been married for two and half years with a newly born kid and a recipient of a generous scholarship, it felt like walking on the moon. I decide with my wife for me to go first and settle down before she and the kids join. To my surprise, all my expectations about the PhD program were shattered in a month or two at most! The program is extremely technical, mathematical, and totally disassociated from reality. Plus, I‘m butchered by my Chinese and Indian colleagues when it came to mathematics and statistics. I’m barely passing my exams and never in my life had I felt lagging behind as such. My only comfort was a Pakistani colleague, who had been living in the US for a longer time and understood how the system works. Despite his help, I couldn‘t take it anymore and decided to withdraw from the program. You can imagine the resentment and dissatisfaction that radiated from everyone around me. However, I was pretty stubborn and indeed dropped out. Knowing my interests,

My Pakistani friend directs me towards urban planning and public policy programs; a field I never heard of. As I get more engaged into the program, I feel very excited. From one contact to the other, I end up auditing a course at UCI with whom would be my supervisor at a later stage. Feeling overjoyed with what I‘m learning, I apply to several PhD programs at UCI, UCLA, as well as a couple others. With some confidence, I await the results. As you probably have correctly guessed, I‘m not admitted into ANY program. NOTHING! I remain for a couple of more months in the US before returning to Egypt. The world around me is very gloomy; I‘m staying at my parents’ house as I had rented mine before traveling, have no job, have my small family with me, and no idea what to do next.

June 2009. I begin my job search in the corporate world as I need to secure my family financially. I hate what I am doing. Plus, I‘m very discouraged from applying to new PhD programs. Anyhow, I gather myself and continue searching for jobs while at the same time applying for PhD programs. Months pass by and nothing positive comes out until I get my first acceptance letter at UCI followed by two other universities. Now, I can even choose amongst those options, and UCI is by far my first preference. The next four years would the best in my life, where I got to learn a lot, engage with amazing people and excel in my courses and research. I was probably the fastest candidate to complete his degree in four years only (though I‘m not sure whether this was a good or bad thing) before landing my first job at Qatar University in 2014.

Lessons Learned?

Failure (and sometimes epic ones) are a must in the path of success. This is mostly where the West is different from the Rest. Their culture is very encouraging and welcoming when it comes to failure. They cherish each other experiences and are able to provide positive yet constructive feedback at these different milestones. I have to admit though that these two failures were very devastating at their time. However, when I look back now, I know that I wouldn‘t have achieved anything without them. Now, I‘m hoping to look back at ALS and say with confidence that it was a temporary failure that turned into something beneficial for myself as well as for those both near and far!