Reflection 23 – The Story Behind My Reflections

It all began with a “ro2ya” (aka, a dream)!
Almost a month and half ago, I was chatting with one of my best friends. I told him about a ro2ya I saw while being in the intensive care that involved him somehow. After I narrated the whole story to him, he told me you know what: “You got good storytelling skills, why don‘t you start writing your reflections, and sharing it with others? “. For someone like me working in academia, I’m only used to writing boring academic papers that probably no one else other than me, two reviewers, an editor, and
a couple of other geeks who actually read it . Never was I a fan of documenting my diaries or anything like that. Moreover, for those close to me, they know well that I am more of a black box, who doesn’t really express much of his feelings and emotions verbally. However, the last year or so witnessed a significant deterioration in my speech in specific and of course my latest full lack of speech forced me to stay quiet in one way or another. But we humans are normally social beings, who like to interact with others. And I‘m no different! The arrival of Tobii enabled me to literally turn my life upside down, and resume at least part of it. However, what happened in the last month was beyond my imagination!
Initially, I began writing those reflections and sharing them with a limited number of friends, who seemed to like them. After sharing a number of those reflections, a couple of my best friends took the lead in creating the current Facebook page seeing a huge benefit in sharing it with a wider audience. I believe that my experience is pretty unique in two main ways, which makes my stories hopefully appeal to a large number of people. First, throughout the last fourteen years, I was fortunate enough to live in three different countries (Egypt, USA, and Qatar). As probably most of you can imagine, traveling in general and living abroad in specific, broadens one’s mind and enriches their personality and experience. I also experienced different types of lives from being a PhD student to working as a professor in two different universities and finally undergoing a medical clinical trial. I really feel Allah‘s grace in all of this as I was able to establish lots of friendships throughout different countries. These amazing people all over the world are a great asset for me, and were a source of encouragement as I navigated my ALS journey (I also benefit from their prayers ). In specific, my family has been blessed with some outstanding families and individuals in California (they know themselves), who have helped us in some amazing ways and were a major support for us especially during my clinical trial. Second, and more important, is my ALS diagnosis. The thing about ALS is that it basically takes away most of your faculties step by step. Most other diseases typically affect a limited number of organs while the others are kept intact. It is quite rare that a disease comes and basically wipes away everything. In some respect, you feel your end is approaching but you only don‘t know when. This feature of ALS, as much as it is painful, enabled me to see things differently than most people.
My long times of silence and loneliness kept my mind always working and analyzing (maybe one of the good things about ALS is that it doesn‘t impair your mental capabilities). Know that as we all age and grow older, all of our faculties deteriorate except one; our hearts in their spiritual sense. It can keep growing infinitely the more connected to Allah it is despite the age.
As I look back to the last month, I can say the following. I am pretty surprised from myself as I lowered my guards and began sharing details I would have normally not. However, I see writing now as a healing exercise that helps me in expressing myself and taking off some of the burden on my chest from keeping lots of stuff buried inside. As I write these reflections, I also try to be critical of myself by sharing my mistakes hoping they would benefit others. I would have never imagined that within a couple of weeks, my words would reach thousands of people. I am very grateful to Allah and my friends, who enabled me to reach a wide audience. The process has been overwhelming for me, and the feedback I am getting through people‘s comments and messages is hugely positive and uplifting beyond my imagination. The amount of love and prayers I am receiving are from another world. I’m really humbled by all of this! I read every comment with enthusiasm and joy, but I do apologize of course from not being able to respond back to most comments.
I will end this reflection with two short stories.
During my PhD years, I used to ask Allah a lot to make me beneficial to humanity at large. I cannot see what I‘m experiencing nowadays as anything else other than an answer to my prayers (Yes, it took some time for the prayers to be answered but nonetheless!). My second story has to do with what I began with; a dream. Being in love with the story of Prophet Yusuf (Peace be upon him) that revolves around dreams, I asked Allah in different occasions that my cure also comes via a dream (I know I‘m pretty weird!). Anyhow, all the success of the current Facebook page began with a dream, and for some mysterious reason I have a gut feeling that my cure will also come through a dream (2oulu Ameen ).