Reflection 32 – To Nora, My Deceased Aunt: I Miss You Terribly!

She was the youngest amongst three #sisters. She got #married early on in her #life, and moved to the #US. Her life was rather tough as she also got #divorced at a relatively young age, and therefore had to look out for herself. I always remember her with her annual visit to #Egypt (that she never missed) along with my dear cousin, and always bringing with her some nice gifts to the entire #family. I really looked forward for her visits as she was very special for me. Probably her vulnerability along with her super kind and funny personality made her have a special soft spot in my heart. Other than her annual visit, we unfortunately didn‘t interact much other than some phone calls every now and then (she died in 2006 before the onset of smartphones and so on). For me, she resembled the #cool #aunt living abroad! She was extremely kind to all those around her, and would never turn away any requests from them. People would send with her tons of things to their relatives back in Egypt and she would SIMPLY never say NO! But her life would eventually change in her final years drastically!
In the year 2000, my grandmother passed away from cancer. It wasn‘t a long battle with cancer, but it was devastating in the sense that this was the first encounter for my #family with #cancer. Soon after her #death, we came to know that Nora was also diagnosed with cancer and would soon start a tough battle with the available treatments. Staying on her own in the US along with my cousin, who was still in her teenage years required external help. Throughout her chemotherapy treatments, my mom, aunt, and uncle had to rotate on her with each of them staying a couple of months with her. It was a tough time for the entire family and required sacrifices on all fronts. Luckily, her siblings managed to be with her throughout that time. As for me, I wasn’t able to be physically there. That time coincided mainly with my great shift towards religion. Lots of what I heard at that time talked about patience and how sickness is a way to get rid of your past sins and simultaneously gain good deeds as a reward. Being an overzealous naive (religious) person at the time, I was hoping to simply pass on all what I have heard and was convinced of in a split of a second! I would record for her hours of tape that I would send with my mother or whoever was traveling thinking that I have got it all and the magic solution for all her problems were in my reach! But, I was WRONG!!
My #ALS journey taught me that you can almost never really feel what someone else is going through. Yes, I understood what she was going through but I didn’t FEEL. I didn’t realize how tough it was to go through these horrible chemotherapy treatments or how it was like for a beautiful soul like her to loose her hair and beauty in a short period of time. I simply thought that my seemingly interesting lectures about patience were sufficient to get her through. Little did I know how permanent illnesses could rock your faith foundation and quickly throw you in a state of despair! Definitely, we are required to remind each other of patience and its infinite rewards, but we also need to display patience and understanding when we advise people and to be soft-hearted and accommodating as much as we can. We also shouldn’t expect change to happen overnight but rather needs time to take place.
I knew I #love you a lot way before you died Nora! However, I didn’t really realize how much I loved you until I lost you and couldn’t see you anymore. I still think sometimes that you are still alive but I‘m not just able to see you for some reason. Your memory usually brings tears to my eyes as I can‘t really fathom your absence. Throughout my stay in the US both during my PhD years and even during my clinical trial, I would always remember you and try to imagine what would you have done if you were still alive. Anyhow, I really pray that we get rejoined in the highest levels of paradise together. Finally, it always honors me that my uncle along with myself were the final ones to ever carry you and lay eyes over you before eventually burying you.
LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND MISS YOU TERRIBLY!