Reflection 55 – The Safe Environment We All Need

Human beings have different needs, and some if not most of them, are life-threatening. From them is avoiding hunger and feeling safe. It’s probably impossible to develop and progress in this life if we are missing one of these two essential needs. No wonder that throughout the Quran, Allah always pairs these two (hunger & fear). Societies can develop economically and socially when they provide a certain level of basic nutrition that keeps their people up and running and maintain a minimum level of safety and security. You just need to look at war-torn countries or countries that suffer from poverty and hunger to validate these basic facts. Despite these two issues being essential to our development, I would like to address what I call “psychological safety” (I don‘t know whether this is a valid term, I just came up with it ). What I mean by this is that a person feels safe enough to share his feelings and thoughts without being judged or ridiculed. If people feel afraid to share their concerns, then this will definitely build up into their system, accumulate with time, and then can lead to psychological problems. I am reminded of three situations I would like to share.
The first instance is when a (probably young) person struggling with his (very normal) sexual desires approached the Prophet (Peace Be Upon Him) asking him to permit adultery for him. Just imagine that situation!!! The first amazing thing that comes to my mind is what type of “safety” that young man to talk to the Prophet in such a sensitive issue without fearing to be attacked or shouted at. Bear in mind, he is not inquiring about its permissibility, but rather he wants to get the OK to commit such an act. He wasn’t afraid to share his concern with the best and most pious human being who stepped onto this earth! And the reply he got was simply amazing. The Prophet told him would you accept this with your mom, sister,… And what when the man said no, the Prophet told him likewise people don‘t accept it for their mothers, daughters, and so on. This story really amazes me because of how this young man felt very safe to the extent he is able to share his deep concerns in a very safe environment.
A similar story is narrated during the time of the Khalifa Omar Ibn ElKhattab, in which a man approached him because his daughter was receiving several marriage proposals, and that she confessed to her father that she had committed adultery some time ago and the father didn‘t know whether he should inform those coming to propose or not. A quick important disclaimer here: the girl had repented, and her father witnessed a clear change in her actions as manifested in her prayers, Quran recitation and so on. Back to our story! Couple of important takeaways here. First, despite this being a heinous act, the girl felt safe enough to share it with her father (just imagine a girl in 2023 from Upper Egypt for example, sharing a similar story with her father!!!). And in turn, the father himself felt safe enough to share it with the Khalifa, who is best known for his strictness and jealousy for this religion. Omar Ibn ElKhattab’s advice was not to inform others as long as she repented.
The third and final story comes from the Quran and in specific from suret Al-Tawbah, Ayah 6:
وَإِ نْ أَحَ دْ منَْ ٱ لمُ شرِكِينَْ ٱ ستَجَارَكَْ فَأجَِ رهُْ حَتَّ ىْ يَ سمَعَْ كَ لَمَْ ٱللَِّّْ ثُمَّْ أَ بلِ غهُ مَأ مَنَهۥُ ذَلِكَْ بِأنََّهُ مْ قَ و مْ لَّّْ يَ علَمُونْ (And if anyone of the polytheists seeks your protection, then grant him protection so that he may hear the words of Allah. Then deliver him to his place of safety. That is because they are a people who do not know.).
For me, this is truly a remarkable ayah in the following sense. Basically, Allah is telling his Beloved Prophet how to deal with polytheists who seek his protection even though these people being in war with the Prophet! But the most amazing part that fascinates me is “his place of safety”. Allah didn‘t just say to the Prophet to deliver him to a “safe place”, but rather to “his place of safety”. In other words, you should deliver him to a place where HE feels safe. So, Allah acknowledges the importance of feeling safe in order to comprehend Allah’s words.
CONCLUSION: It is essential for all of us to create this SAFE place, in which we can have these open conversations with our kids, parents, friends and even strangers!
PS: The idea for this reflection I stole from my dear friend (and younger brother), Kareem Esmail, after a recent discussion with him .